Notes from the Vast Right Wing Conspiracy: You Won't Like Me When I'm Angry!

July 03, 2008

I am steaming mad at a whole bunch of things and I don't know what or whom to be maddest with. I know a lot of you on the left feel that the expression "angry right winger" is redundant, but I am usually pretty much a live and let live guy. I believe one of the greatest things about our country is that we have the right to be as stupid as we want to be so long as your being stupid doesn't infringe on my desire to leave you behind like a hitchhiker with BO. You want to be a vegan, great! If you can get enough of your aging hippie friends to do the same, the price of my Triple Whopper will soon be going down. You want to drive an underpowered hybrid car? Outstanding! If you and the global warming, going green, save the planet set can get enough fellow travelers to start traveling in some low carbon footprint way soon, the price of my 93 octane will soon be lower than Marlboros at my local gas station/mini rip-off mart. Every once in awhile, however, there are things that just make me want to go Howard Beale and start screaming out a window, even though I live out in the country and no one would hear me.

First up we have a boneheaded singer from Denver who decided to rewrite the National Anthem. In case you didn't hear, the Mayor of Denver John Hickenlooper (You thought Huckabee was a hard name to get on an election yard sign?) invited a local chirp named Rene Marie to sing the National Anthem before his "State of the City" address. I realize that she is a member of the "Me" generation and believes her "feelings" are more important than anybody else's, but if the chip on your shoulder or your artistic integrity doesn't allow you to sing the National Anthem as written, turn down the offer. Of course, if she had done the right thing and turned the mayor down, this backwards mullet-wearing hack wouldn't have had her 15 minutes on CNN to plug her iTunes downloads to other boneheads.

Why didn't someone stop this woman and say something like, "Excuse me, perhaps you've had an aneurysm, but those are not the words to the National Anthem. If you would like, we could have some second graders who were not educated in a public school come in and sing it for you." Maybe the people of Denver are too polite to have interrupted. Maybe since these were mostly people feeding from the public trough, they didn't want to be accused of being racially insensitive. Maybe they thought Alan Funt or Aston Kutcher was going to come out from behind a plant and tell them they were on a hidden camera show and they didn't want to look uncool.

There are a lot of other little things in the story that bother me, like why does every petty official feel like they have to make a big production on giving their job performance report? State of the City address, State of the State address, State of the County address, State of the...enough already! Just write your little report and file it under 'egomaniacal, tax-wasting, keep-my-face-in-front-of-the-voting-public crap.

Also, I am steamed at President Bush for letting that little twit from North Korea make him look like more of a fool that he has been recently. I know the one thing the VRWC and progressives can agree on is that Bush has been a very disappointing president. When you take the world stage to say that you are convinced the North Koreans are giving up their nuclear aspirations because they are going to implode one old cooling tower, you reach a whole new level of stupid.

Finally, we have retired General Wesley Clark trying to smack down John McCain's military service. There are a lot of things you can find wrong with John McCain, but please stay away from his military service. Yes, there are some sacred cows and I think spending more time in a prison camp than Barack Obama has spent in the Senate is one of them.

I think Struther Martin said it best when he was playing the mine operator in Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid, "Morons, I am surrounded by morons." OK, I'm feeling better now.