Here are the highlights of the 32nd week of 2008:

10: The number of hours George W. Bush's aides worked with the President on his correct pronunciation of recently deceased writer Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn's name. They were unsuccessful and eventually just went to bed.

9: The number of offers currently on the table for Osama bin Laden driver, and current Gitmo attendee, Salim Hamdan's prison memoir, Breathing While Drowning.

8: The number of hot flashes Mary Hart triumphed over while gushing about the new Pitt/Jolie baby pictures.

7: The lifetimes in hell Roland Emmerich will serve for decorating his apartment in London in what can best be described as "fascist pimp."

The author of the New York Times article, Kathryn Harris, will also dutifully serve with Mr. Emmerich for writing the profile as printed in Thursday's "Home & Garden" section. "All The News That's Fit To Print"? I think not.

6: The number of finalists in the running to write the music for Israeli President Shimon Peres's song, Ray of Hope. No word yet on whether the Nobel committee has threatened to revoke Mr. Peres's peace prize for lyrics like, "Provide my foe and friend a bloodless day. Invite boys and girls for peace to pray."

5: The number of times that Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice, currently in the third month of her 17 month world tour, threatened Iran by saying "put up or shut the fuck up, dicks." Lassie come home!

4: The number of votes by which director Kevin Smith's new movie, Zack and Miri Make a Porno, won its appeal against its NC-17 rating. Four is also the number of people who realized that Kevin Smith is still making movies.

3: The number of times the premier of China, Hu Jintao, giggled during President Bush's speech in Thailand expressing "deep concern" over China's human rights restrictions. Mr. Jintao, a staunch believer in the "What, Me Worry?" method of leadership, was not available for comment.

2: The number of daughters writer and general raconteur David Carr has admitted in his new book, The Night of the Gun, to leaving in a parked car while he visited a crack house years ago. (Note to self: bring Julie and Sammy inside next time I go to Essie's to score.)

1: The number out of a billion trillion that I would ever have imagined Barack Obama being legitimized by an association with Paris Hilton. Like old whores and bad architecture, Miss Hilton has eventually gained credibility through longevity.

See you next Friday!