From The New York Times:

U.S. to Insist Iraq Grant It Wide Mandate in Operations
WASHINGTON - With its international mandate in Iraq set to expire in 11 months, the Bush administration will insist that the government in Baghdad give the United States broad authority to conduct combat operations and guarantee civilian contractors specific legal protections from Iraqi law, according to administration and military officials.




What a crazy day.

I spent all afternoon at NYU's Bobst Library. 12 floors of books, journals and the best minds in the country that couldn't get in anywhere else. I was meeting my confidential source--let's call him "Alabaster Magagaloosh" for now.

Alabaster had sent me a text message saying he had something I would "thx me 4 4ever." Turns out it was a point-by-point list of demands by the Bush administration regarding the expiration of the international mandate it Iraq.

Alabaster knows someone at Pizzahut.com who knows a guy who knows a guy who
knows a girl who knows Alabaster who works in the White House copy room. Turns out the place is lazy with daily briefs, intelligence reports and mandates. Just bulging at the seams with the things.

After poring over the document for close to 90 seconds I've distilled the most important points down to the following:

1. Allow Americans to continue kicking ass and taking names. Even if those names are false, misunderstood, wrong, duplicates or totally inaccurate in every conceivable way THEY STILL COUNT.

2. Guarantee that no soldier, regardless of his/her intention or rank, will be given a ticket for parking his/her helicopter in a handicapped spot. Or on a handicapped person.

3. When an American soldier says, "No problem, we'll have this road/mosque/skull fixed by next week," the Iraqi translator MUST NOT LAUGH.

4. No late fees on DVD rentals.

5. The following will be acceptable defenses in case of random deaths and/or destruction: "itchy trigger finger," "bored," "iPod skipped," "seriously bummed," "SNL sucked last night," "I'm so horny I can't even look at myself in the mirror."

6. Free admission to the Louvre-Sadr City.

7. This one is a deal breaker: Really try to work on the "Yankee Go Home!" signs. They're multiplying like rabbits. We get the point! Enough already!

8. More smiling. As President Bush said many, many July 4ths ago, "You can't fire a gun if you're giving someone a smile."

So those are the most important points in the memo. A sterling collection of good ideas to make the transition of America's next 150 years in Iraq that much smoother.