For the last few months, I've been pumping all my spare change into Grilled Stuft Burritos, Isla Fisher posters, Purell hand sanitizer, and other Hecho in Estados Unidos products, single-handedly keeping this rickety, waterlogged-and-boarded economy afloat. Finally, Dubya and the Congressionoids have recognized the awesome powers of my stimulation and have decided to fund my economic master plan with a kick-ass $600 cash infusion. Stop talking about a recession--once I'm through, we're totally going to be in a...a...procession. Here's a breakdown of how my phat cash will get us back on track: