Bloggers Index
May 07, 2008
Why Does Clinton Get To Make Victory Speeches after She Loses?

Jamie Kilstein | Bio

Based on her speeches, here is how I assume Hillary might handle everyday life events:

1. The Grocery Store

CLERK - Mrs. Clinton, that will be 20 dollars.

CLINTON - 10 dollars it is.

CLERK - Uh...20.

CLINTON - 10 dollars. You got it!

CLERK - Whatever.

2. Tour Bus Gets a Flat Tire

DRIVER - Mrs. Clinton, we are going to have to pull over. The bus has a flat.

CLINTON - FULL SPEED AHEAD!

DRIVER - Um...no we have a flat tire. We have to stop and fix it or else we may do more damage to the bus as a whole.

CLINTON - FULL SPEED AHEAD!

DRIVER - Goddammit....

3. The Election

EVERYONE - You are going to lose the popular vote and the most delegates. The only way you could win would be an insider coup disenfranchising the majority of the youth and black vote, which would forever divide a once great party.

CLINTON - Thank you. That means so much. I am honored to have your support.

EVERYONE - No um...I don't think you heard what I said...

CLINTON - FULL SPEED AHEAD!!

EVERYONE - Goddammit....

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