How's this for negative campaigning: Mike Huckabee is a crazy turd.

Mike Huckabee often appears playing the bass guitar while standing next to Chuck Norris. This would be okay if he was running for the head of a fraternity, but he is running for president.

The key to understanding Mike Huckabee is understanding Chuck Norris, because Chuck Norris is Mike Huckabee without the filter.

Did you know that Chuck Norris writes a column for a far-right Christian blog?

Let me back up. Chuck Norris writes. People pay...Chuck Norris...to write. Okay, so Chuck Norris wrote a piece about what he would do if he were president. For one thing, he would: "Tattoo an American flag with the words "In God We Trust" on the forehead of every atheist."

When I first read that, I said, "You know who else wanted to brand people?! Hitler! You, sir, are like Hitler!"

But then he wrote that he would also: "Require members of Congress to work out on the Total Gym 15 minutes each day--or else they can't vote on anything." I was slightly less up in arms when I realized he is not Hitler...just a fucking idiot.

The list went on and many of his platforms were written out like the popular Chuck Norris jokes on the Internet. But here's the thing:

When other people write Chuck Norris jokes, it's funny, 'cause it's satire. But when Chuck Norris writes that he would:" Personally smoke out Bin Laden by myself and round-house kick him all the way back to America," it's like....Ohh! he thinks this is real.

So now that we understand Chuck, let us go back to Huckabee. Here are some things Mike Huckabee thinks are real:

Jesus
Armageddon
The Devil

Here is what I know is real: Mike Huckabee is NOT too crazy to win. Stop saying he is. We voted for George Bush...twice, and George Bush ALSO believes in:

Jesus
Armageddon
The Devil

We don't all live in NYC and read blogs all day. Some people dig this shit. We have to work incredibly hard this election season and not be the apathetic elites everyone says we are. Or else Chuck Norris will spin kick us back to a time when they believed in crazy shit like Jesus, Armageddon, and the Devil.