I.
Obama to Hillary 6:35pm: Welcome to the Jungle. Of pain. Just give it up already.
Hilary to Obama 6:51pm: I've got Indiana.
Obama to Hillary 7:01pm: HAHA INDIANA YOU SKANK
Hillary to Obama 7:05pm: If I drop out, can I be your VP?
Obama to Hillary 7:07pm: Definitely.
Hillary to Obama 7:12pm: Fine. Will make announcement momentarily.
Obama to Hillary 7:16pm: PSYCH! SUCKITSUCKITSUCKITSUCKIT!!!!!!!!!!!! LOLLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL 8=====================D ← that's my fire dong!

II.
Jeremiah Wright to Obama 7:51pm: See? Ur fine.
Obama to Wright 7:56pm: You still haven't apologized.
Wright to Obama 8:01pm: Fuck white people?
Obama to Wright 8:07pm: Not an apology...
Wright to Obama 8:12pm: I have no human feelings.

III.
John Edwards to David Axelrod 8:37pm: Hey! LOL. Tell Obama North Carolina loves HIM too. If you guys aren't doing anything later...I can get sum wine coolerz, nothing big. U like pulled pork?
Axelrod to Edwards 8:49pm: U've reached a new low, Edwards.
Edwards to Axelrod 9:07pm: YOU'VE REACHED A NEW JERK
Axelrod to Edwards 9:14pm: That doesn't make sense.
Edwards to Axelrod 9:21pm: I'LL JUMP OFF THIS LEDGE.
Axelrod to Edwards 9:34pm: You're not on a ledge.
Edwards to Axelrod 9:40pm: Maybe I am. Can u get picture messaging? Want to send pictures of me on ledge, crying.

IV.
Bill Clinton to Hillary 10:12pm: Heeeey. Do you want a hot beef injection in your mouth? Where the beef is my penis and your mouth is your armpit?
Hillary to Bill Clinton 10:19pm: Actually, might need it tonight...I'll consider it...
Bill Clinton to Hillary 10:24pm: OOPS! Wrong Hillary, LOL.
Bill Clinton to Hillary 10:34pm: Um. Do u have Hillary Swank's phone number? Or Duff?
Hillary to Bill Clinton 10:41pm: Go to hell.
Bill Clinton to Hillary 10:51pm: Is Hillary Swank there? ;) [she gives good hot stone massages!!]

V.
Axelrod to Edwards 11:19pm: Stop sending me pictures. Clearly staged.
Edwards to Axelrod 11:34pm: Stop sending me brainwaves of sad.

VI.
Paul Begala to Donna Brazile 12:02am: Baby. I'm sorry for everything I said. Come to my hotel room. Free pretzels and boomz.
Donna Brazile to Paul Begala 12:06am: Boomz?
Paul Begala to Donna Brazile 12:11am: My thunder stick + your cave = BOOMZ!

VII.
Obama to Hillary 12:45am: How does that itty bitty little Indiana victory feel? Does it feel good? You going to eat it up all night? WHY DON'T YOU CHOKE ON IT?
Hillary to Obama 12:58am: It doesn't feel good. Clearly, you are the superior candidate. I will be dropping out in the morning. No more politics for me. Guess I'll just go bet on horses...
Obama to Hillary 1:04am: Really? SUCK ON IT! I AM DANCING ON THE FLOOR, PRETENDING IT IS YOUR GRAVE.
Hillary to Obama 1:09am: PSYCH SUCKITSUCKITSUCKITSUCKIT. TASTE THE FLAMES FROM MY FIRE CAVE!
Obama to Hillary 1:24am: Cave?
Hillary to Obama 1:35am: Learned it from Begala. Slang for lady junk.
Obama to Hillary 1:42am: Not cool.

VIII.
John Edwards to Entire Address book 2:01am: Well, I'm just sitting here, all alone in my hot tub (really just my bathtub but I keep pouring in boiled water, LOL! n e 1 got tea bags?!? I like earl grey sooo much <3 ) and I thought I'd send a blog to you all. A text blog! So, anyway--who likes tandem bikes?
Ralph Nader to John Edwards 2:15am: Stop.
John Kerry to John Edwards 2:19am: Please. No more. This is worse than the Blogette.
Al Sharpton to Edwards 2:22am: Remove from list.
Elizabeth Edwards to John Edwards 2:35am: I'm moving out.
Lance Armstrong to John Edwards 2:46am: How did you get this number?
Mike Gravel to John Edwards 2:57am: I like these!!!

From the News: The Blueballing of America continues