I.

John Edwards to Barack Obama 11:36pm: Dude, really? Thought you had it. Sorry, Bro.

Barack Obama 11:48pm: Yah, whatever man. You see my speech? Killed it.

Edwards 11:49pm: Yeah! Good call on the Stevie Wonder song, stick it to her! Signed, sealed, delivered, I'm yours, America!

Edwards 11:51pm: Can I be VP?

Edwards 12:21am: You there?

Edwards 12:43am: Hey...

II.

Bill Clinton to Hillary 12:01am: Congrats!

Hillary 12:06am: Fuck off.

Bill 12:19am: ;)

III.

McCain to Romney, Minutes After Winning: LOL!

Romney: Dude, come on. Stop.

McCain: Ba-Ba-Ba-Babara-Ann...Romney is a slut!

IV.

Mike Gravel to Dennis Kucinich 3:34am: We should hang out sometime.

V.

John Edwards to Hillary Clinton 3:46am: Can I be VP?

VI.

Hillary to Richardson 4:09am: Hey. Sorry. Drunk. You still awake? I could come by...

VII.

Chuck Norris to Kucinich 4:37am: Your wife is hot.

Kucinich 4:50am: Who is this?

VIII.

Bloomberg to Giuliani 3:01am: Dude, ur gay. Drop out.

Giuliani 3:07am: Whatever man. I'm going to LOL so hard when you try and run for president. You'd better PRAY an Iraqi King-Kong is born and comes to America, rips out the Empire State Building out of the ground and javelin throws it into the Chrysler Building. I'd like to see you stand tall during THAT tragedy. 9/11 4-ev.

Bloomberg 3:15am: U Suck Cock.

IX.

Fred Thompson (Mass Text to Entire Address Book): Happy New Year!

X.

Edwards to Huckabee 6:15am: Can I be VP?

XI.

Hillary to Richardson Next Morning: Sorry. Was drunk. SO hungover, lol. Um. Come by later if you want. Cool...