McCain: Nice to be with Senator Obama at a town hall meeting...[incredibly creepy laugh]

Hype Man: OH SHIT, SON! He just brought it back. He was all "Obama ain't got no nuts. You seen my nuts? These nuts is wild big. You could make a buncha brownies with deez nuts." I can taste the heat.

McCain: [in response to "Who would be your treasury secretary?"] Not you, Tom.

Hype Man:WHAT?!? YOU SEE THAT? My man just played the BURN card. How does THAT feel, Brokaw? You gonna complain about them mens not seein' timer lights and shit? I need a hot dog and a bowl of pudding, son.

McCain: Nailing Obama's tax policy down is like nailing Jell-O to a wall.

Hype Man: Tru! I tried that shit yesterday. My room look like a alien exploded and shit. Damn, kid. You ever try to nail pudding to a wall? That ain't NEVER gon' happen.

Obama: Senator McCain, I think the Straight Talk Express lost a wheel on that one.

Hype Man: OH NO! [runs around the entire room with his shirt off, knocking over plates of food] IT JUST GOT WILD IN THIS. Yo, you ever see a bus with three wheels? That shit is dangerous! I saw one hit all these little babies. That's what he tryin' to say! McCain gonna hit all these babies with his Lie-Bus.

[Note: Hype Man became so excited after this, he started eating a stapler. There was also a small amount of acid inside the stapler.]

McCain: Senator Obama says everything has to be disposable...or something like that...we don't have time for on-the-job training, my friend.

Hype Man: Motherfucker don't give a shit! He's all "whatever Obama says taste like my dong, kid!" He not gonna research, no on-tha-job training, for this cat! Just give him a car with guns stuck to the side. Ain't no need for no White House, son! Just a gun car. THAT is how John McCain run a PRESIDENCY. THAT STAPLER WAS DELICIOUS.

Obama: I have to correct Senator McCain...not surprisingly.

Hype Man: Uh-oh, kid! That is some major SMARM. You could eat that smarm, it's so thick. How it taste? Like a smarm-platter? With rice and noodles and shit? I want to wear that smarm like a bib and be like "I'm so smarmy, I got to wear a bib of it because that shit gets all over the place and I am NOT gon' get doo-doo on this Brooks Brothers joint!"

Obama: You know what? I don't understand a lot of things. I don't understand how we invaded a country that had nothing to do with 9/11.

Hype Man: Them Alligator jaws just opened up and a little, bitty zebra crawled in!

McCain: It was an energy bill filled with all kinds of goodies...you know who voted for it? [pointing] That one.

Hype Man: [spins on his head, gets up, drop-kicks dog, lights a book of family photos on fire, chew on own hand.]

[Note: Hype Man then jumped out a window, rolled onto his lawn and then hid under a car for several days]