Obama: I have to correct Senator McCain's statement, just a little bit, not surprisingly. Because he's a dummy. And a liar. A dumb, lying, dummy. With respect, of course, to you, Senator.

McCain: I wrote a letter in my clubhouse. Senator Obama's name is not on our wood-burned plank that says who our buddies are.

Obama & McCain: SPECIAL INTERESTS SUCK!!

Obama: He's copying me!

McCain: Well I said it louder!

Brokaw: Senator McCain, what are your priorities?

McCain: I think we need to get it all done first, and then I'll answer your question. By the way, terrorists are stealing your money.

Obama: A minute to answer a question you say? Well let me spend a minute contemplating that. And then a minute answering. And then another minute talking about something completely different.

McCain: I'm actually going to state something true by letting you know that my tax cut will be payed for by eliminating your social programs. Now, my friends, allow me to...convince you to forget about that by talking about defense spending for a while. By the way, veterans, you know who you should vote for. Because every time I talk about cutting programs, I make sure that you know that I don't mean you. Who my constituents in the house?!?

Obama: Let's talk about 9/11. Hey Rudy! This one's for you!

McCain: Thank you for your question...um...K'nesha? Latoya? Random black woman.

Audience Member: How will our economic problems effect our going into countries militarily?

McCain: Our military kicks ass.

Obama:Iraq, by the way, bad move. I love our troops. Our military is expensive. America kicks ass. We don't have the dough to kick foreign ass anymore.

Brokaw: What's the Obama doctrine on foreign policy.

Obama: I love Jews. The holocaust sucks. Rwanda too. Hey, black folk!! We need to go into places with a sense of fiscal responsibility.

McCain: You cannot tell a country that you're going to attack them. You need to attack them when they're not looking.

McCain: My hero, Teddy Roosevelt--

TR: What up, Johnny!

McCain: My hero. He said walk--talk softly and carry a big stick.

TR: What? No I didn't.

McCain: I'm going to talk softly-

TR: Speak! Speak softly!

McCain: Barack Obama, he talks loud.

TR: SPEAKS!! IT'S SPEAK YOU FUCKING HOBGOBLIN! I'M NOW OFFICIALLY SPINNING IN MY GRAVE!!

McCain: I intend to lower taxes and raise expenses, because government does not get money from taxes, my friends. My friends, I know how to go from small amounts of money to larger amounts of money. My friends. When I met my beautiful second wife, Cindy, I knew that she and her family had lots of money. I now have more houses than I can count, and I didn't get those by using tax dollars, my friends, oh no. I have a plan, America. I have a plan for our nation, and that is for America to marry a really rich girl.