Like the rest of you, I was absolutely floored by the Senate Select Committee on Intelligence's revelation that the Bush administration had lied and exaggerated their way into the Iraq War. My pants are still filled with poo. I got so excited by the news, in fact, that I decided to embark on a lengthy explanation to determine:

THE TOP TEN THINGS THAT SURPRISED ME MORE THAN THE ADMINISTRATION'S LYING TO GET US INTO IRAQ

10. Oreos can now be purchased with vanilla cookies and chocolate filling. HOLY SHIT!!!

9. Even though she studies Kabbalah, Madonna isn't Jewish!

8. Tom Cruise is still in the closet!

7. Young people like Barack Obama! TOTALLY OMG!!!

6. Nobody gave the Mars mission the credit it was due except a few pimply-faced nerds! SHOCKING!!

5. Opening weekend, the Sex and the City movie beat Indiana Jones. OK. That one, yeah, that's a surprise. Oh wait...

4. Guys make choices based on their dicks and not their brains! IT'S ALL SO CLEAR!

3. Congress never had the balls to impeach a man who sent tons of our young people to die in the desert! OUR MINDS ARE BLOWN!!

2. Iraq's WMDs have not been found after five years! INCREDIBLE!!

And the thing that took me by surprise (more than the administration lying) most of all:

1. The earth continues on its hurtling elliptical path, swinging its way through the solar system, and by spinning, continues to perpetuate the illusion that the sun rises every morning.