Barack Obama is currently riding on some of the highest hopes that have ever been on a potential president. The man has taken the folks of my generation, people raised on The Simpsons, The Daily Show, and South Park, and he's actually made them believe in something. Not me, of course, but I'm a heartless bastard. Many, though, have been moved, and so I want to say to Barack Obama, you've got a chance to do something great for our country. Win the primaries. Win the general. Then fail to change a single thing.

Keep us in Iraq. Screw the economy even further. Make your four to eight years in office some of the worst that the United States of America has ever seen, and I guarantee that the amount of awesomeness that emerges in the next 20 years will be proportional to the amount of shittiness you create today.

Like I said at the top, our generation was raised on The Daily Show. Father Knows Best wasn't ours, but John Stewart was, and through John, we learned to be cynics. And we learned that cynicism is funny. Right now, we've got so much hope, we're losing our sense of humor. Listen to comics who support Barack Obama. They don't make fun of the guy! It's like he's off limits, and unfortunately, as soon as a comic puts something off limits, everything else starts being less funny. But if Barack fails in office, utterly and completely fails in office, if he in fact winds up somehow making the country worse? What's going to happen to all that hope?

Do you know what happens when hope is deferred? It sours. And what does sour hope taste like? Cynicism.

If Barack Obama fails in office, we will become the single most cynical generation that has ever existed. We won't trust anyone. Ever. Every figure of authority will just be another asshole in a suit, and I tell you this, we will create comedy the likes of which the world has never seen. It'll be a comedy goddamn revolution! 10 years from now, the comedians will be at the top of the world, and 40 years later, kids will still be quoting the comedians of the 2010s!

We're not getting back industrialization. It isn't going to happen. America will probably never be known again as a country that makes things. But we've still got entertainment, and the most cynical generation the world has ever seen will give tons of entertainment to the world.

Isn't that worth it, Barack? Isn't it worth something to create an entire generation of cynics? An entire generation earning to bust the world's gut? I'm not asking you to do much. All you've got to do is fail.