As some of you may or may not know, the worst thing that can possibly happen in a comedy news day is for the top story to be a goddamn tragedy. Nothing clenches up the humor anuses of your everyday public like realizing that they're about to laugh at someone's death. This is when comedy writers have to get creative and find a way to make fun of something about the story without making fun of the story itself. I now present you with the first 45 minutes of my day.

6:10 - Snooze alarm goes off, can't ignore it any longer.

6:13 - Check email, look at top stories from The New York Times. Instantly, I see an article on Benazir Bhutto--read article through.

6:22 - Feeling shocked, get dressed, pack bag, turn on "Morning Edition."

6:25 - Thought occurs..."What if the New York Post didn't cover it?"

6:26 - Thought blossoms into abject hatred for the New York Post.

6:26:15 - They don't even have to skip it, they can just keep it off the cover!

6:26:20 - Those bastards!

6:26:30 - Please god, please let the Post have kept Bhutto off the cover.

6:27 - Spiral of bile and hatred ensues.

6:30 - Spiral ends, spiral of shame over last four minutes begins. Leave apartment.

6:34 - (While walking) It would be funny though.

6:35 - Maybe I'll just stop by the deli.

6:36 - Is the guy at the deli Pakistani? Probably, right?

6:37-6:40 - Puns about "Deli" and "Pakistani."

6:41 - Enter deli. See NY Post and NY Daily News--both have Bhutto as cover story. Fuck.

6:42 - Both have the same blurry picture on them.

6:43 - Reading Post on train. Wow.

6:45 - The Post sucks.