Bill O'Reilly responds to the outrage over discussing a "lynching party" for Obama's wife in a press release below:

"I meant no ill will towards Michelle Obama. You see, I was merely talking about financial news and the possible merger between Merrill Lynch and my company, Anegro Investments. The new merged name of Lynch-Anegro will allow investment in KKK bearer-bonds from Fox Executives. Sure to bring me a pretty penny. So, for my new company, burning crosses are just good viral advertising campaigns. Actual lynchings should be rephrased as 'death taxes.'"

In other financial news, I'm breaking the story, "NAACP Bought Out in Hostile Takeover Bid by KKK." The new board of directors will require that blacks only use the phrase "40" if it refers to a 40-hour work week. They also require all blacks to listen to Lynyrd Skynyrd. Rap versions of "Sweet Home Alabama" are allowed. Sample lyrics:

Sweet Alabama,
Racist Nirvana.
Where you can pimp da' Ho
as long as you follow Jim Crow.

So to all those who call me a racist, I say "if the noose fits, wear it." I think all you equal rights activists are just going out on a limb anyway...and you know what I mean."