Senators Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama exchanged blows today over the nation's gas problem. Clinton stated that people are "telling [her] that they are literally sick to their stomachs" and that "they want relief." Obama counters that he understands "how badly people are hurting. If we're serious about helping them, let's provide them some relief, but let's not pretend that we're doing something by suggesting a gas tax holiday," alluding to Clinton's call for a gas tax moratorium to take effect during the summer.

The plan to relieve the intestinal problems of America through a temporary lift on the gas tax is naïve, inappropriate, and will undoubtedly do more harm than good. Everyday, millions of people suffer from the effects of Public Flatulence (PF). Planes, subways, buses, offices, parks, even restaurants: Nowhere is safe from PF. The rapidly growing trend in PF amongst Americans is alarming. Once thought to be a relatively harmless activity, PF or "Cutting the Cheese" as it is known, is a dangerous gateway activity, which can lead to both Public Urination and Public Defecation.

PF has been known to lead to violence through games such as "Door Knob" and through PFers carrying out their illicit activities in enclosed areas like planes and automobiles. Secondhand gas is the leading cause of nausea and remains among the top five causes of vomiting, placing just behind bulimia. Secondhand gas has been known to cause severe facial disfiguration, and victims are advised to hold their breath and vacate the premises immediately.

Americans have the right to be relieved, but not if that relief infringes upon the rest of our rights to clean air and healthy living. Due to the advent of the latest PF craze, SBDing, it is not enough to merely raise the taxes on PF in an attempt to get people to quit on their own. The government must ban PF in all of its forms, including in restaurants and bars. Legislation needs to be enacted that would criminalize PF so that offenders can be punished to the extent they deserve. PF is a scourge upon society that must be stopped at all costs, and abolishing the tax upon it is a serious step in the wrong direction. The people of America must rise against Hillary Clinton's moratorium of the gas tax: a thinly veiled attempt to give full amnesty to PFers. If we do not act now, we will forever suffer the consequence.