Ranking the Great Walls Duncan Quirk | Bio

As some politicians misinterpret the Mending Wall by Robert Frost, and declare that "good fences make good neighbors" in order to drum up support for a U.S./Mexico Border Fence (The Burrito Barrier), let's take a look at and rank other walls throughout the ages.

The Great Wall of China: By far the biggest man made wall on Earth, rumored to be visible with the naked eye from the moon. This wall was built and reinforced to keep the Mongols out many times. It has since become a major tourist attraction and extends over 1500 miles. Although the wall was never continuous (actually a plethora of smaller walls) and therefore quite bad at keeping Mongols out, the sheer perception of this wall in popular culture more than makes up for it. The Great Wall of China gets 9 out of 10 Marauding Mongols.

Hadrian's Wall: Beyond this wall lied the frontier of the Roman Empire. No less than three Roman Legions were involved in its construction. The Roman Empire might have fallen, but much of Hadrian's Wall still stands today. Recently, Hadrian's Wall has found a starring role in two Hollywood blockbusters (King Arthur and The Last Legion) and for that, Hadrian's Wall gets 2 Ebert Thumbs way up. Seriously, he's giving himself a prostate exam.

The Maginot Line: What good is a military fortification that lines the entire border with Germany? Absolutely none if you trust the Belgians to handle their own: just ask the French. The best made plans des souris et hommes are always ruined by sneaky Germans. All show, no go, which is why the Maginot Line gets 2 out of 3 German Invasions (trust me the third one is coming).

The Wall: Feminists can't stand it, stoners can't ignore it: released in 1982, Pink Floyd's The Wall is a must-see rock odyssey. Following a troubled rock star as he descends into madness, the viewer is brought to the brink of insanity that is the life of Pink. Throughout his life, Pink has built a wall to protect himself from the world until the very end of the film where he shatters the wall. The Wall receives 5 out of 5 bong hits.

The Berlin Wall: Few walls in recent memory have meant so much to so many people. Part of the Iron Curtain that split Europe in two, the Berlin Wall was the pinnacle symbol of the Cold War. Despite standing for over a quarter of a century, this mighty wall was no match for the words of Reagan, "Mister Gorbachev, tear down this wall!" This call to Gorbachev would not go unheard by the Berlin Wall and two years later, it would fall and lead to the reunification of Germany (remember that third German invasion?) and the collapse of the Soviet Empire. The Berlin Wall scores a 0 while America scores Infinity! We kicked its ass! Booyah!

The Egyptian-Gaza Strip Border Wall: We don't know much about this wall, only that it sucks. Due to the Israeli blockade, Hamas broke through this wall, letting Palestinians into Egypt for supplies. What kind of wall falls apart when confronted by a dip made out of chickpeas? The Egyptian-Gaza Strip Border Wall gets 1 impending humanitarian crisis out of...wait how many humanitarian crises do we have going on right now?