In a shocking turn of events, after vowing to fight on after losing out on Super Tuesday, Mitt Romney has dropped out of the race for the Republican nomination. Romney, once viewed as the front-runner of the Republican contenders, has dashed all hopes of putting a polygamist sympathizer in the White House. Romney has stated that he must step aside in order to keep a black man or a woman out of the Oval Office.

If their patriotic duty was to help Romney get elected, then with him out of the election, the Sons of Mitt can no longer be considered patriots and are therefore more than likely communists. Maybe that little secret is the real reason Mitt quit.

Romney approached the podium like a man who just landed on Boardwalk with a hotel, and with good reason. Romney had been infusing his campaign with his own private fortune: Romney spent over $35.4 million on his way to becoming an historical footnote. For such a shrewd businessman, it was a horrible business decision. I certainly hope that this sort of reckless spending and failed business ventures was not the norm for Romney's days at his private equity investment firm. This poor investment demonstrates that the economic recession is not just affecting the middle and lower classes.

While Romney suffered massive losses in this doomed venture, the big losers were the unfortunate ones that Romney duped into investing in his campaign. Nearly $90 million was spent to allow Romney to withdraw from the race. Countless signs and television ads, press conferences and town halls have now been deemed worthless. Romney's audacity knows no bounds: This failed venture has created millions of pounds of waste. Romney bumper stickers, lawn signs, t-shirts, and buttons are now destined to for the junkyards. It's bad enough you had to lose everyone's money, Mitt, but did you have to ruin our environment too?

I don't mean to kick you while you're down, so please cheer up Mitt. Don't get upset about your losses, you still have most of your fortune. And while they say money can't buy you happiness, it can buy you a yacht, and you would be hard pressed to find someone unhappy while swimming in a pool floating in the Caribbean. So strip down to your Mormon undies and crack open a beer. God will let it slide this time.