Conservative observer Michelle Malkin has called Rachel Ray's keffiyeh scarf "hate couture." Michelle, let me tell you what hate couture is--low riding, hip hugging jeans on women over the age of 60. Nobody wants to see old muffin tops drooping over a belt. It's hateful. Hate couture is gay men wearing muscle T-shirts to the opera on a cold night.

If you really want to see hate couture, try flying the red eye to NYC on Jet Blue, where most of the grown men think its OK to wear Tommy Bahamas shorts with flip flops. The Wright brothers didn't bravely invent flying so we can see a frat boy's grimy toes. Yes, terrorist are bad, but so is having to look at the inside of a man's leg for five hours on the way to Kennedy.

You know what else is hate couture, Michelle? The expression you wear when you write such rot. Meanwhile, the real tragedy is that Dunkin' Donuts exists at all! No one mentions the terror that this fluorescent-health-risk-festival arena has unleashed in a world where obesity has grown into a serious public health problem. Did you know that one chocolate frosted cake donut contains 330 calories, with 170 from fat? Not to mention palm oil, partially hydrogenated soybean oil that literally wreaks havoc on a human being's metabolism and paralyzes the heart.

Michelle, how about writing about the fact that one out of every three children in this country is obese and susceptible to type 2 diabetes? Michelle, you have children, but, no, you're too busy trying to end the A.C.L.U. and spread your strident, lazy, demented patriotism while Dunkin' Donuts goes along with it.

I have never been in Dunkin' Donuts, mainly because I can't go to places that are not spelled right. If I did go there, it would be to get a cop, and frankly, when seconds matter, the cops are only minutes away.

Americans are terrorizing their own body. The real offense is that people go to Dunkin' Donuts to get breakfast, the most important meal of the day. We ought to be eating clean protein and shopping at neighborhood farmers' markets, buying locally raised fruits and vegetables that don't need to be trucked in on gasoline that's five bucks a gallon. And, when we are at that market, we should also be shopping for the ingredients for our 30 Minute home-cooked meal that Rachel Ray showed us how to make!

No, Michelle, it's easier to alarm the sugar addicted Americans who like their watered down coffee and tell them that the big, headscarf-wearing boogey man is coming to get them with their guns and bombs. Go ahead and reinforce those cultural stereotypes.

The truth is it's their own appetites that are killing them. Oh, excuse me. Killin' them.

You're the terrorist, Michelle Malkin, because you spread fear and hate in a fragile world and are so ignorant that you don't even understand that biggest bombs we have in this country are sitting in dozens on every corner mini mall donut shop in this fat-assed country of ours.

And you leave Rachel Ray alone; she is making food, which is a metaphor for love, while your writing is a metaphor fear and poison.

The next thing you're going to write is that Jamie Oliver is Nazi because he makes strudel and schnitzel or that Paula Dean is fat--well, she is fat--but she got fat from pork chops, not donuts.

You know what, Michelle? I am going get my keffiyeh and wear it proudly on my head, and carefully tuck it into shape of a Wal-Mart super center to show my patriotism. That's how I'll show my couture.