I was recently asked by this site to write something funny about what I'm thankful for.

Instead, I decided to write about what I'M NOT thankful for.

PEOPLE WHO TALK IN THE MOVIE THEATER
Seriously. Why do people do this? I'm talking about the couples who find it necessary to confirm every plot detail with each other OR discuss what they think might happen next. "OOH I BET HE'S THE KILLER!" Y'know what! Kill yourself! Don't ruin the movie for everyone else. The filmmakers job is to guide you along the story. Don't fuck his job up.

AT&T'S COMEDY ONLINE TECH CHANNEL
I worked for these guys during the summer. Apparently they are taking a page out of the current WGA strike and playing the part of the "asshole studio." They screwed me over so much that I even started a website about it: http://www.atttechchannelsucks.com/

That brings me to:

THE WRITERS STRIKE
Studios, how much longer are you going to keep this up for? Any random person on the street will tell you you're out of line here. For christsake, I need The Office in my life!

HIPSTERS
See: self indulgent self referencing link here.

IGNORANT PEOPLE (IN GENERAL)
Y'know. At the end of the day. Republican or Democrat. What does it matter? We're all human beings, aren't we? I have to be honest. People have been asking me who I'm voting for and I have no clue. It's way too early and I really don't have a sense of any of the candidates. But, while I voted for Kerry last election and was foaming at the mouth for Bush to lose (Sean Penn style baby!). I can't help but think I was just as bad as the people I was condemning. Sure, I don't want Bush running this country, but I refuse to be an asshole about it anymore. And to the liberals out there who take pleasure in putting down religion. What's your deal? I was raised Catholic and certainly don't follow it anymore. But, that doesn't mean I'm going to shit on anyone who believes in the bible. Shit, my grandmom goes to church and I love her to death!

Granted, we are comedians and it's our job to cut the bullshit in this world down with comedy. But, take a note from the South Park Guys. They seem to understand that nothing, truly, is sacred in comedy. And are equal opportunity offenders. (As a side note: I adore everything Trey Parker and Matt Stone touch.)

Speaking of animation...

BAD 3D ANIMATED FILMS
When Pixar took off, all the studios left behind traditional 2D animation for this flashy, new technology. Like a bunch of kitty cats fascinated by some new light reflected on a wall! ("WHERE IS MY BALL OF YARN?" I cry out!) Disney! How could you have closed down your 2D studios a few years ago? Walt Disney must have spun in his grave, vomited, then spun in his own vomit AGAIN.

So, what happened when everyone rushed to 3D? CUT TO: A slew of shitty 3D films. Seriously. How many times do we need to see some crappy 3D movie with cute characters spouting "hip pop culture dialogue". Watch a Pixar film and see how many times that happens...You know why? Because Pixar actually wants to make films that stand the test of time.

Time to go on a tangent (wait this whole thing isn't one?): Ratatouille (a masterpiece in my opinion) solidified to me that Pixar is a gift to this world. The same way Jim Henson was. (I guess this is something that counts as something I'm thankful FOR.)

As for 2D animation, Don Hertzfeldt (who recently made one of the best animated short films I've ever seen called "Everything will be okay") said (and I'm paraphrasing) "It doesn't matter what you do to make an animated film. You could use crayons and paper. If the story's engaging. That's all that matters." (Go buy all of Don's DVDs. Guy's amazing.)

Is there hope on the horizon? Maybe!

Roy Disney made a speech recently saying that "the rumour that '2D is dead' is not true." Lets hope he's right!

Whew. I could keep going all night with this stuff.

I'll save you from the boredom of having me go on.

But, seriously. The reason I couldn't write what I was thankful for is because I wouldn't know how to make that funny. I'm thankful for so much right now that I can't even put it into words. To all my friends and family who have been there for me. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. And happy thanksgiving.

Just please. Don't talk in the movie theater, or I'll kill you.

That goes for you too Grandmom!