A year ago, around this time, me and my friends back home were terribly bored. We had done the whole "holiday thing" and had nothing but free time on our hands. After perusing youtube for a while, we began to realize how much shit was on there. I'm talking. SERIOUS SHIT. The amount of crappy videos polluting the web is astonishing.

In an attempt at alleviating boredom, we decided to increase the pollution. That night we recorded a bunch of crappy videos on my MacBook's "video camera". Our goal: to make the shittiest videos possible and hope, for some odd reason, they'd get popular. If only to prove our hypothesis that shit when exposed to the light of the internet = solid gold.

At the time, the biggest draw on YouTube was the "Mentos+Diet Coke" videos. (If you haven't seen them, they involve someone mixing Diet Coke and Mentos. When mixed, they apparently "explode.") These videos were the equivalent of the blockbuster summer film, and we decided to get a piece of that action.

In an effort to deactivate this Internet sensation, we came up with this video:
"Mentos and WATER--NOT COKE!! STUNNING RESULTS!!!!!"

Perhaps you should stop right now and view it here:

It was only a year ago, but I seem to look like I'm 12-years-old in that video. (Oh, time has worn me down.) But, alas, if you look closely, you'll realize we didn't even have Mentos. Instead, we used foil wrapping from a piece of chocolate and pretended it was Mentos. As you all know, nothing will happen when you combine Mentos and water, or a piece of foil for that matter. We decided that overreacting as if something really cool happened would be kind of funny (to us at least).

At first, no one took notice of the video, despite the fact that in the "About this Video" section I wrote, "OMG! MENTOS AND WATER! A MUST-SEE SCENARIO BEFORE ANYONE DIES!" Recently, however, I'm not sure what happened, but this little video has exploded (pun intended).

As I type this to you, good folks, it is now at 106,000 views. No, I'm not kidding. But, even better is that this video has over 670 comments. It's incredible. So incredible, in fact, that I wanted to share some comments with you from some of our biggest fans:

"you are the fucking faggiest looking bitch i have ever seen, i want to fucking throw shit at your rat ass looking face fucking chump ass piece of shit, this is the stupidest thing ive ever seen posted by the most rat looking fucker ever go get plastic surgery and fix that shit biiiich" - Keerboy69

I never thought I appeared ratty. But, man. I think Keerboy69 has a point now that I think about it.

"You are the biggest faggot i have ever met in my entire life ..you fuckin dooshbag ..fuck you bitch!!! Do something about it fucker...get at me ..faggot"- Greatest19c

For the record, I've never "met" Greatest19c before. It also seems he's proposing we fight or something. For the record, Greatest19c...BRING IT, SON. I'll go to town on your ass. And I'm not talking in a "fag way." I'm talking in a "let's fight to the death" way. I could probably beat you up, like, totally easily.

"go home and kill yourself after you suck your dads cock you fucking queer quit wasting our goddam time with piece of shit videos" - lolctusachina

Classic.

"i seriously know that they were very high on pot." - Karatemaniac

Karatemaniac, you don't know shit! But, that brings me to...

"YOU GUYS WERE FUCKING FUCKING HIGH YOU DUMBASSES WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT? NOTHING? WHY NOTHING YOU THINK THIS IS A JOKE HUH NO FUCKING FUCK JOKES ON UTUBE MOTHERFUCKERS UTUBE COMES FROM THE HEART YES I HAVE AN ANGER PROBLEM LIKE EVERYONE IN YOUTUBE I'M PUNCHING MY GOD DAMN DOG BECAUSE OF YOU APOLIGIZE TO ME NOW FOR BEING A JERK BOW DOWN TO Me ING A JERK BOW DOWN TO Me" - JANUARYSUPERMAN

He then posted again:

"SUCKKEEEDDDDDD"

and again:

"I HATE HIGH PEOPLE"

(Seriously, I love that guy.) Here's another:

"you are a complete faggot. everyone i know who has ever seen this wants to whoop your bitch ass for wasting 45 seconds of our lives. Word" - KnightofGlasgow

Looks like this guy wants a piece of me Greatest19c style! Hmmm...I could go on and on, but let's wrap things up with a lovely person on YouTube called VONDUTCHBOY6:

"right wath kind of druggs you stuffing up your ass man!!! go play dora or something or just do that at college youl go trough like in 2 seconds thats how smart your are...freaking retards plz read this coment cause if you dont i tink you cant even read your moms the one that had to post your vid hahaha"

VONDUTCHBOY6 was much more eloquent in his first comment, which I feel, is so beautifully written and to the point. I think he should have stopped while he was ahead:

"u guys are gay faggots"

So, what have we learned here? Well, I've learned that apparently a whole group of middle-school students wants to fight me now. I've also learned that on the Internet, the most common way of putting someone down is by calling them, as VonDutchBoy6 puts it, "a gay faggot." I also learned that if a video is weird at all, people will assume you are high. (The lame thing is, I've never even done drugs before--outside of Sudafed--and that time the dentist gave me some extra pain killers and I listened to Beck's Midnite Vultures album on a loop.)

I've also learned that perhaps the "bballcrewz," as we like to call ourselves, has a future. Perhaps this holiday season we'll make some more videos and pollute the Internet again. But, most importantly, I learned that our hypothesis was correct: that quality clearly does not matter on the internet. After all, you've read to the end of this crap, haven't you?