The other day I was talking to my friend back home and mentioned the term "hipsters." He had no idea what the hell I was talking about. So, before I go on. Visit Wikipedia for a definition.

Now, that we're all on the same page....

I FOUND OUT THE SECRET TO DEFEATING THE HIPSTER MOVEMENT! I use the word "movement" lightly because it's not actually a movement. I'm pretty sure "movements" are about something. Anything really.

I was at a club in NYC the other night--we'll call it "Garbage." And brother, was it filled with hipsters. These people were so cool it hurt! I mean, talk about the fashion! The sense of irony! The heartwarming elitism! It was just all so...cool!!!!

But, then. Something happened...

OASIS.

Yes, that oh-so-loveable band that you now won't admit you listened to in middle school is back with a new DVD, and for whatever reason, this club decided to spin a few OASIS tracks. At this particular venue there is a stage where (apparently) the most vapid people in the room dance on. They were really digging their hipster music HARDCORE for a while there. And, being drunk, with some friends, I decided to climb up there and dance away too. I mean, after all: "LETS GET VAPID!" We danced and danced and danced, and then...OASIS started to play. I think it was "Live Forever." And of course: I started singing my guts out along with my friends. I mean, c'mon! Why the hell not? It's OASIS for chrissakes!

But, then I turned to face the rest of the stage and was shocked to find:

The hipster kids had moved. They now remained hidden in the shadows COMPLETELY HORRIFIED to be on a public stage where OASIS was playing. I kid you not. It was one of the most amazing displays I have ever seen. It was seriously mind blowing! Look at how they cowered in fear! Good heavens, they might be caught listening to Oasis!

Being drunk (and belligerent, let's be honest) I began shouting, "What? Are you guys too fucking hip to dance to Oasis?" My friends and I continued to dance and sing. And being a dick, I started clapping to the beat of "Live Forever" in some hipster dude's face. I finished the night by yelling, "Don't look back in anger!" to the DJ. (Who sadly...never played it.)

But, as I sung and danced my heart out and reminded myself of that teenager listening in his room to OASIS, I realized what was missing with this whole hipster thing: meaning. While they may have an elitist attitude toward music, does any of it really mean anything to them?

If my sister likes a popular song that I think is crap, but it means something emotional to her, who am I to say it's bad? Isn't the whole point of music to get you to feel something? God! Why do I feel like a crotchety old man all of a sudden?!!! Damn you kids! Get off my lawn! Have a heart! Don't be so pretentious! Y'know, Cormac McCarthy and The Coen Brothers were right! There is NO Country for Old Men!!!!

For now. I shall listen to OASIS unashamed (for the most part...I mean c'mon) and think of a time where it was okay to do so. A time when it was just me and a pair of headphones, listening to some music and thinking about some girl I had a crush on, who didn't like my teenaged self back then.

Good times.