Americans Need to Be More Like Polar Bears and Eat Their Young Bobby Miller | Bio

In Germany, the tabloids are going crazy over the fact that some Nuremberg zoo keepers allowed a mommy polar bear to eat her two cubs. The zoo issued a statement saying, "Predators are known to eat their offspring if there is something wrong with the cubs or the surroundings make a successful upbringing unlikely." The zoo didn't interfere because they believed nature should take its course, but apparently the public doesn't feel that way.

Seriously-

First off, I think it's totally fine if a polar bear mom wants to eat her kid because she thinks there's something wrong with it. In fact, I think human moms should do the same thing. How many times have you been at a mall and seen some snot nosed kid be a total douchebag in public? ("BUY ME THIS TOY! WAHHHHH" Seriously. Shut the fuck up.) Just think if we could nip these brats in the bud a little early on. Imagine how many less ADULT ASSHOLES we'd have today!

Besides, kids these days don't have much respect for their elders anyways. Lets stop babying these kids and start disciplining them. At the very least, we should be beating the shit out of our nation's kids a lot more. And I know for a fact a few of them, NEED to be eaten alive. Don't believe me? Check this out: CNN.com recently reported that, "3 out of 10 kids need to be eaten alive." Granted, I just made that up. But, c'mon. It sounds right, doesn't it?

A few days after the cub-eating incident, the same zoo had another mother who looked as if she was about to kill one of her cubs-

To me, the mom in this video looks like she's just playing with her cub. Y'know just hanging out. Havin a laugh. But, apparently zoo keepers, feeling the heat, decided to "rescue" this cub. So yes. You guessed it. Unfortunately, that cub is still alive. But, think about it. One day, when the cub's older, the zoo keepers are gonna pull him aside and tell him the story about how his mom tried to murder him (by dropping him...to death). And y'know what? That shit is going to FUCK HIM UP. Bad.

Folks, I don't know about you. But, I'm tired of messing around with the emotions of polar bears. I mean, think about how crappy they already have it. According to the zoo, they will eat their offspring "if the surroundings make a successful upbringing unlikely." Which means that zoo is so depressing that the mom polar bear was like, "Well. EATING YOU ALIVE IS BETTER THAN THIS SHIT BOX."

This all leads me to one conclusion: kids need to die. And they need to be eaten alive...by their parents. If parents would only do their job and eat their weak kids (and really douchey ones) like they SHOULD....our country would be a much better place to live. It is my hope that the politicians running in this year's election start talking about the real issues at hand. The issues that truly matter the most to all Americans.

Kids getting brutally eaten alive by their parents.