I just heard that Serbia's government collapsed this weekend. Funny that it happened on the weekend, what are they working overtime or something? I thought all governments shut down at 4:00 P.M. on Fridays, like the DMV and Hasidic people. Still, for their sake, I hope it's more like a time-out than a "failure is not an option (except this one time)" type of deal. My heart goes out to the Serbian people. Like those actors on Lost, Serbs are probably in urgent need of a rescue team and a shower by now. What, there's no Serbian FEMA?! I kid, I kid.

Being the ignorant American that I am, I couldn't have found Serbia on a map before this, and quite frankly, I'm relieved that now I won't have to try. In the interest of full disclosure, I also must admit that I thought Serbia had long ago gone to that old topographical trash dump in the sky, like Bosnia-Austro Hungary-Herzigova and Indochina. But that's neither here nor there.

I guess Serbia is now technically on hiatus? Maybe they just needed a break. It must have been tiring always being confused with Albania and Romania. That can wear a people out. Having no discernible cultural identity can wreak havoc on people, just look at the Eskimos: They're kind of Asian, sort of Canadian, somewhat Alaskan, and most likely all related to Björk. We probably never hear from them because they're stuck in their igloos, crippled by paralyzing identity issues. They need an intervention.

Serbia needs help pronto. Here are my olive branch and highly politically informed suggestions for the position of Serbia's savior:

Ralph Nader- I know, such an obvious choice, I cringe to include him. He'd be thrilled to finally be put in charge of some government (any government) and there'd be more than enough corruption for him to kvetch about.

Jamie Spears- His newly proven track record in cleaning up hopeless messes actually makes him the front-runner, I think.

David Hasselhoff- He did wonders to unite Germans via disturbing live performances and Baywatch. If anyone can mobilize Eastern Europeans, it's this guy.

VH1- Savior of all formerly successful organizations/persons. If they give the nation its own reality show, Serbs will return more popular and media savvy than before. Their Q rating will go through the roof and it'll finally put Serbia on the map!