Not only does the state in which you reside affect the number of gay weddings you'll attend this summer, it also affects the quality of your health care. A new study by The Dartmouth Institute for Health Policy and Clinical Practice has found that "geography is often destiny." (Was it my destiny to sacrifice ten minutes of my life typing and spell checking the institute's extraneously long name?)

A quick roundup by region:

North East: 50% of the elderly in Newark, NJ die in a hospital, giving Newark the highest rate of elderly deaths in hospitals in the country. Given Newark's legendary crime rate, does their definition of an elderly person begin at age 25?

The Wild West: Patients in Utah, Oregon, and Idaho spent an average of seven to eight days in the hospital in their final six months, roughly half as many as patients in Hawaii, New York, New Jersey, and D.C. Well pardon me, but when you've spent all your days preparing for the afterlife, you literally are in the fast lane to kickin' the bucket.

Dixie: Southern women are more apt than other U.S. women to have their uterus removed, and generally earlier in their 40's. Insert Jamie Lynn joke here about most likely becoming a grandmother at 35 and the uterus just walkin' off the job at age 40. How much do you want to bet those uteruses request something deep fried once they're out?

Bill Gates-ville: Northeasterners tend to see more doctors (including pricey specialists) and get more tests than people in other parts of the country, but are actually slightly more likely to die afterwards. Attention Seattle hypochondriacs: turns out you DO have reason to panic about your healthcare! You're living in the wrong city!