I'm writing to you from a hotel in Covington, Kentucky. Eat your heart out. Covington, Kentucky is right across some kind of a river from Cincinnati, Ohio, which is close to Dayton, Kentucky, not the Dayton in Ohio. It's as confusing as it is boring.

Yesterday, I flew here from Los Angeles to begin the Stand Uppity Tour, brought to you by 23/6! On the plane, a guy in the seat behind me was ranting, Dennis Miller style, about how much he hated air travel. He said, "I don't even like to fly for fun anymore." Nobody flies for fun, except John Travolta. If you're flying to Acapulco, or wherever people go to pretend to enjoy themselves, the plane is supposed to transport you to the fun, not constitute the fun. Don't get me wrong. If you think flying on a commercial jet is entertaining, knock yourself out.

Tonight, Marc Maron, Eugene Mirman, and myself, will be attempting humor at the Southgate House in Newport Kentucky. Come on down. We're having a special Mother's Day promotion. Everyone attending the show who brings their mother will be ridiculed at the door. Sample Insult: What's the matter? Are you afraid to go to a comedy show without your mommy?

I hope you enjoyed this sales pitch disguised as a report from the road.