In lieu of the Vatican adding new sins to their "Bill Maher, we're talking to you" sacred tablet, I offer the following sins for review by His Holiness, his bishops, and that swollen swine, John Hagee.

THOU SHALT:

- Sleep with prostitutes if thou wants to. I don't care if a politician wants to get a hand job from a call girl. Run free, Eliot!

THOU SHALT NOT:

- Use the words "change," "hope," or "3 A.M" EVER. AGAIN.
- Watch Morning Joe or whatever shit storm Tucker Carlson pitches to television executives next.
- Light things on fire at the inevitably disastrous Democratic National Convention even though it'll be super tempting and Howard Dean looks pretty flammable.