Too lazy to watch the two minute trailer for the new episodes? Not that lazy, but when you watched it the first time, you couldn't hear because your boss was going on and on about some project deadline? Surprisingly industrious and you've already watched it five times, but your friends are all, "we've never seen it," and "what's the big deal," because your friends are lame, so you have no one to talk to?

Thank goodness the Internet invented live-blogging.

2:08 "Sometimes you need to leave." Nice touch with the glittering letters, it's charming details like this that keep me coming back for more.
2:05 Oh right. They're in Paris for some reason.
1:58 Brody has a new GF.
1:57 Brittany Canada Whore?
1:45 Hey, it's me, Lauren. I'm in Paris now, so I wear red lipstick. It's just a level of European sophistication you can't really understand until you've been a Teen Vogue intern and/or the star of a hit MTV show. Whatevs, it's complicated. I have to be wooed (totally French word) by this scruffy French guy now.
1:39 "To get away from it all"
1:33 Whitney!
1:26 "But you may return to find..." May return to find what? What?!! Glittery text, why must you taunt me?
1:13 "Everything has changed." How so?
1:12 Justin Bobby!
1:03 We may return to find Justin Bobby with shorter hair, but even more patches on his bomber jacket? Is that how everything has changed???
1:01 Incomprehensible. I'm guessing: "You say I don't care about you, but what if I told you I wore this fedora hat for you? I didn't. That's just me expressing me, but still, you're in my heart. Truth."
:58 Save the drama. I saw you two in US Weekly yesterday. You're fine.
:45 Is that model sporting a Hi-top? Is that Kid?
:37 SpencHER!
:31 Lo!
:23 "You're making yourself cry." Yes.
:11 Audrina, no!
:10 Audrina, come ON!
:09 Audrina, which producer told you to do this? Don't you realize the safest bet for job security is to be a nice, quiet friend of Lauren's like Lo and Whitney? Spencer and Heidi don't even have their own show yet! Not that I think you and J-Bob can't do it, but you'll need to get, like, five boob jobs between the two of you.
:01 I'm there.